Is is possible to die from parenting during the months of May and June? Because I think I’m on my deathbed. You will soon see my obituary: Tracy W., 1975-2019. Died from an accumulation of band concerts, field trips, doctor’s appointments, laundry, and yard work. Survived by her equally haggard husband and two cranky, overstimulated children.
I am a zombie. A mombie. I am the walking dead. I am broke. I am a victim of noise pollution. My body hurts. I fall asleep the moment I am horizontal. I want to eat things but I don’t want to have to make things to eat. People keep saying words to me and it’s just too much. I can’t be expected to listen to all the words. All talking should cease after 7 pm so that the swelling in my brain can recede before morning.
My mind is a swirling tornado of information, mental to-do’s, plans for tomorrow/next week/next month, shopping lists, and fantasies of spending a whole day on the couch doing nothing. I am physically unable to be in all of the places that I am required to be.
Last week my husband had to go to a training on Wednesday night. Now, Wednesday night is our run-around night. My daughter has dance from 6:30-7:30 pm, and my son has karate from 5:30-7:30 pm. Usually the hubs and I divide and conquer, but last week I was on my own. So, no biggie, it’s just one week, I got this. Jeff was able to take Nate to karate on the way to his training, so I took Leah to dance, and my plan was to hang around during her lesson and then swing around and pick Nate up on our way home. WELL. They put a new Home Goods store right next door to the dance studio! I had brought my computer and planned to get some bills and banking done, but then I said to myself, “Self, here is an opportunity for self care. Let us go browse in Home Goods and we will declare this activity to be self care“.
So I had just passed the ottomans and was looking at the drapes when my phone rang. It was Nate.
“Mom, my blue belt graduation ceremony is happening right now.”
“What?? I had that on the calendar for tomorrow!”
“No, it’s happening NOW!”
“Oh, ok, well……let me check to see if one of the other moms can bring Leah home or, I don’t know…ummm, gahh….”
“Mom, it’s OK. It’s OK if you can’t come.” (this was sweet of him, but that almost made me feel worse about potentially missing it)
“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll try my best to get there!”
So I sent a few texts to my fellow moms, but finding a last minute ride for Leah wasn’t happening. There I sat in the parking lot, feeling terrible, frustrated with myself for writing down the wrong date, impatient for Leah’s class to be over so we could zip over and maybe catch the end of the ceremony.
We blew into the dojo at 7:45 pm. My heart sank when I saw the almost empty parking lot–we most definitely had missed it. We ran in the door, and there sat Nate, looking calm, cool, and collected.
“We’re so sorry honey! I tried so hard to get here but…”
“Oh, it’s OK mom, you were right, it is tomorrow. Sorry.” He shrugged nonchalantly, completely oblivious to the stomach ulcer that had been forming within me for the past 45 minutes.
My face is still clenchy from that. Or maybe it’s not from that, specifically. Who can know these things, really? I looked at my calendar, and during May and June we have:
- 11 Girls on the Run practices
- 7 dance practices
- 1 dance rehearsal
- 1 dance recital
- 1 DARE graduation (we asked Leah, “What did you learn in DARE?” and she said, “um, I don’t know, I think be nice to people.” “Didn’t you learn anything about drugs?” we inquired. “Oh, yeah, don’t do drugs!”)
- 1 parade in which all of the DARE graduates wave at the crowd from a float, even though most of them can’t remember what they learned or what DARE stands for
- 1 moving up ceremony
- 2 5K runs
- 2 plays
- 2 band concerts
- 3 field trips
- 2 orthodontist appointments
- 1 dentist appointment
- 2 eye doctor appointments
- 3 haircuts
- 1 bikini wax (self care!)
- 3 graduation parties
- 1 van repair after the automatic door blew a gasket
- 1 central A/C replacement after the old unit crapped the bed (preceded by 2 appointments for estimates)
- 1 driveway sealing appointment
- 1 roof tear-off/replacement
- one husband who is going back to school full time and has a full summer course load
- Our 20th anniversary (Honey, I got you a new van door, a central A/C unit, and a roof! You’re welcome!)
And a partridge in a pear tree.
If you need me, I will be in a padded room.