Things I would rather do than help with my 3rd-grader’s homework

I have this recurring thought on weeknights, as I sit (or try to look busy to avoid having to sit) at the kitchen table after dinner.  That thought is this:

“WHY is elementary school so much work for ME?  Didn’t I already go to elementary school?”

This thought is futile of course.  The fruit of my loins (FOML) are both in elementary school, so of course, “we” have homework every night.  Some of us are more independent with it than others.  Some of us know how to read instructions.  Some of us don’t.  Some of us rush through as fast as possible in order to go play or partake in the ever-coveted “screen time”.  Some of us argue until we are blue in the face that 6 x 3 absolutely does equal 14, or that the sentence that was written in the essay is just perfect, thank you very much, even though anyone (except the writer of the sentence, apparently) can clearly see that said sentence is a fragment containing only a subject and missing a predicate.   Some of us cry at the kitchen table.  Sometimes the kids cry too.

My all-time favorite part of homework is beholding the whine/moan/cry-while-simultaneously-sliding-spinelessly-down-in-the chair-until-the-FOML-fall-on-the-floor maneuver.

Seriously, I am fully aware that being involved in my kid’s education significantly impacts their ability to succeed at school.  So no need for any of you to lecture me about the importance of parental involvement.  But just because I know that I have to do something doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

I am not alone, I am certain of it.  Because today at work I took an informal survey, and there are lots of other parents who hate homework time too.  Together, we came up with a (non-exhaustive) list of things we would rather do than help our kids with their homework:

-stub your toe in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom with a full bladder

-get all of the hairs on your head pulled out one-by-one

-eat mushy cheerios with curdled milk and a rusty spoon

-have a “man-cold”

-take care of a man with a “man-cold” while cooking and hosting Thanksgiving dinner for your extended family

-step on a Lego

-pull out your own teeth with rusty pliers and no Novocaine

-do 10 loads of laundry.  At the laundromat.  With quarters.

-have a wart frozen off

-get a PAP smear

-play a whole game of Monopoly with your kids until the very end

-listen to my child play Hot Cross Buns with their first band instrument

-eat glass with no teeth

-get my eyeballs pecked out by crows

Special thanks to Patty, Jessica, and Abby for commiserating with me and adding your thoughts to our list.  I agree with everything except the Monopoly game.  Homework time must be REALLY BAD at Patty’s house–let’s pray for her.

So, what would YOU rather do than help your kid with homework??

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