Today, I am sick. And so, so tired. And tired of being sick. And apparently I don’t look so well, because yesterday at work, people kept doing double-takes and then stopping to ask, “are you alright?”
But I am a woman. So I usually take my illnesses like a woman. I carry on and I do what needs to be done. I go to work and take care of my family. I try not to complain. This time, though, I don’t want to take it like a woman. I think maybe, I will take a sick day.
Moms don’t get sick days though, right? That is what everybody says, at least. Except I really don’t like being bossed around like that. I am a grown woman, and therefore I get to make my own decisions.
To my children: Truly truly, I say unto you, that I will only be attending to your basic human needs today. Since you are both toilet trained, I am trusting that you will not need me at all in that regard. I shall place a box of Honey Nut Cheerios in the center of the table. There are apples in the fridge, and Goldfish crackers in the pantry. In case you don’t know, the water that always seems to flow from your water bottles is readily available from the tap in the kitchen.
Know that I can still see you and hear you. I am aware that you are messing up the house, and that when my sick day is over I will have to wade through the rubble like an earthquake victim. You will be in big trouble for that, just so you know. I hear you fighting, and I need to tell you that I DON’T CARE. I don’t care who started it, or who said what, and you better not come and tell me about it.
I will not be available to entertain you, play a game with you, listen to any really long stories that don’t make any sense at all, or drive you random places. All questions that you have should be directed to your father. Or Siri.
So now it is my time. Time to take care of me. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of you, or so it has been said. Now that I have unloaded the dishwasher, put laundry in, made breakfast, taken both of you to your eye doctor’s appointment, gone to Wegmans for groceries, unloaded them, and picked up the mess you made this morning, I am going to LIE DOWN FOR A LONG TIME. Because I am taking a sick day. Starting….now.
Here are the rules on a mommy sick day:
- Go away.
- Leave me alone.
- Be quiet.
- You may watch as much TV as you like. You’re welcome.
See ladies? This is how we do it.